The Expectant Father

The moment you find out that you’re going to be a father is one of the most exciting of your life, and you’ll probably feel just as emotional about the news as your partner does. You may find, though, that most people will assume it doesn’t affect you much, and once the first excitement has worn off, they’ll stop asking you how you’re feeling. Don’t let this stop you from talking to your partner about the pregnancy and getting involved in plans for the birth. Allow your unborn baby to become as big a part of your life as you can. After all, this great event is something that’s happening to both of you, not just to your partner.

Understanding Your Feelings

For the first couple of months, your partner will look much the same as usual and you may find the fact that you’re expecting a baby hard to take in. Don’t worry if your feelings about the pregnancy aren’t the same as hers at first; your experiences are very different. A couple doesn’t suddenly become one person with one set of feelings just because they’re having a baby together. Later on, when you see your partner’s body beginning to change and you’ve seen your baby on a scan and felt his first movements, the idea of having a child of your own will become more real.

You may find at this time that your feelings of joy and excitement are mixed with fears and worries about how your life will be affected and whether you’ll be able to cope financially. There’s no doubt that having a child can be an extra financial burden, especially if one of you is going to give up your job to care for your baby, but don’t rush into making life-changing decisions. It may be tempting to start looking for a new job or seek a promotion that might bring in some more money, but it’s difficult to know how you’ll feel about extra responsibility a year down the line, once you’re a parent. You may find that having time to spend with your child is more important to you than offering material possessions.

Getting Involved

When you’re an expectant father, you’re likely to feel not quite in control of things. You may feel like an outsider, and well-meaning female friends and relatives may assume you’re not really involved and seem to push you out of what they see as their territory. Medical professionals, such as obstetricians and midwives, will understandably direct their conversations at your partner more than at you.

Take the initiative Don’t just step back and allow your female relatives and friends to become more involved than you. Talk to
your own friends and colleagues: some may tease you at first, but you’ll probably find other fathers will be eager to share their experiences with you. Try to find out as much as you can about the pregnancy so that you can understand what’s happening in your partner’s body. Go with her to the scans so that you can see your baby developing, talk about the fact you’re going to be a father, and ask as many questions as you want.

Plan For The Birth Together

Talk to your partner about the type of birth she wants and how you can best be involved. Plan to talk to your employer about taking time off for prenatal appointments as well as for the birth and afterward, so that you can spend some time at home with your partner after your baby is born.

The birth plan Go through the birth plan together, but don’t impose your views. If she feels strongly about certain aspects, such as trying for a drug-free labor, respect her feelings but make sure you both know the pros and cons. Some men worry that they’ll feel squeamish at the birth, but few do. Witnessing the birth of your child is probably one of the most moving things that will ever happen to you, and holding your baby in the first few seconds of life not only helps bond the two of you but is a tremendous emotional experience.

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